"That I have intense sorrow and continual anguish in my heart."
Romans 9:2
Sometimes your heart breaks.
Today in my time alone with God I prayed "Lord, my heart is deceitful. It is desperately wicked. Give me your heart. Give me your eyes. Show me how to love like you."
Now before you start patting me on the back, let me stop you. James 1:17 says that every good and perfect gift is from God. That string of thoughts I prayed was a good and perfect gift from the Holy Spirit. My selfish mind would have never thought that on it's own. It's not the first time I've been led to pray this and I PRAY it is not the last.
Back to prayer... Aren't we funny things? Human beings? Christians? We read the bible and do our best to follow what it says. We read how it says to pray. So we pray with confidence and faith. Then when God answers our prayers we are floored. At least that's how I am. Every time. Especially when I pray for God's heart.
Today, like he is so faithful to do time and time again, God answered. He gave me a tiny glimpse into his heart.
1 & 2 Chronicles are books about kings. Kings whose attention God tried to get and hold. Every once in awhile you will see, "He did what was right in the Lord's sight..." but more often you get "He did what was evil in the Lord's sight." Can you imagine doing evil in the sight of the Lord and not asking for forgiveness? What are the implications of this?! You can read "He did evil in the Lord's sight" for months and think stupid kings.
But... sometimes your heart breaks.
There are countless kids who have broken home lives. Literally. Countless. They go home from school to broken moms and dads. They go home to distracted moms and dads. They go home to alcoholic moms and dads. They go home to drug addicted moms and dads. They go home to only moms. They go home to no moms or dads at all. God can put them on your heart to pray for, to love.
But... sometimes your heart breaks.
Too many families have lost ones they loved in an instant unexpectedly. You can be made aware of, pray for, and feel sorry for the fact they still cry every day... Or the fact that a mom won't be there for graduation... Or the fact that a mom and dad outlived their child... Or the fact that a child watched a parent kill someone... Or the fact that the cancer is still there... Most of the time you say a quick prayer for them.
But... sometimes your heart breaks.
You can watch someone get publicly humiliated 100 times.
But... sometimes your heart breaks.
Sometimes your heart breaks and you want the cheers to stop. Sometimes God lets you see through his eyes. He lets you see someone whose pride is wounded. And it breaks your heart.
You can go to the same place and see the same people your whole life. You can grow up with these people. These 'good' people. These people that mean well. These people that love their kids. These people that work hard. These people that have good morals. You can pray for their salvation.
But ...sometimes your heart breaks.
Sometimes your heart breaks for these people that you love who have stored up so many earthly treasures and no heavenly ones. These people who have not accepted Christ as their Savior. These people who refuse to humble themselves before a loving, but just God.
I can think you need to do a better job of being a city on a hill. I can pray God makes me a light. I can tell myself I'm doing pretty good at living for Jesus.
But... most of the time I forget to humble myself before an Awesome, Holy God.
And my heart breaks.
Please know that the only way you will spend eternity with God is by His grace through your faith. You have confess that you are sinful and that with out Christ death and resurrection you would have no hope. You have to die to your sinful self and give your life to Christ. From time to time your heart will break. Just absolutely break. But all the time your God will never forsake you. All the time you will have the
Hope of Jesus Christ.
