Thursday, February 7, 2013

Me? Insecure? Never.

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of the darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."
2 Corinthians 4:6

Is it possible to feel completely confident and completely insecure at the same time? Ask any cheerleader, and IF they were being honest, you will hear a resounding, "YES!"

OK. So maybe feeling fully both at the exact same time is a bit of a stretch (cheer pun intended), but the line that separates the two opposite states of mind is pretty darn thin. One second you are fully confident in yourself for hitting a stunt and making it look like you have been doing it since birth. Then a quick glance at the cute girl standing next to you makes you rethink every sugar, starch, and trans fat you have had in the past month and you've gone from full confidence to full-blown insecurity in record speed. 

Now I realize some of you reading this may not be able to relate exactly because you never cheered. But surely you can think of a situation in which you were propelled from confident to insecure in .5 seconds flat. Maybe it's simply walking into a room full of people. You can be totally confident standing in front of your mirror because the stars aligned giving you a good make-up and hair day when you decided to wear a new outfit. Then, the moment you step foot in the room insecurity hits you like an invisible brick wall. 

Any of this sound familiar? Or are you trying to ignore the fact that you relate like I did at first. Go back with me to Christmas...

Brandon, my sweet boyfriend, came to Christmas with my family this year. One of the many reasons I love him is his choice of gifts. I love to read, so Brandon buys me books. Specifically, he buys me Beth Moore books. They are his "go-to." I think his thought process goes something like this: "Jackie seems to be having a bad day; I'll get her a Beth Moore book. . . I want to surprise Jackie with a gift; I'll get her a Beth Moore book. . . It's a holiday; I'll get her a Beth Moore book." I jokingly asked him recently what he would do when he ran out of Beth Moore books to buy and I got a blank stare. My future is looking bright, y'all. ;-)

So, naturally, for Christmas I was expecting a new Beth Moore book. Brandon did not disappoint. In front of my mom, dad, nanny, papa, and brother I start to unwrap the book, glance at it, and start to move on to the next gift. 
My sweet nanny says, "Ooooo! Beth Moore! What is it?"
I responded, "So Long, Insecurity."
Nanny then gets a worried look and says, "Oh, Jackie, you're not insecure. . . Right??"
In (what I thought was) FULL confidence, I responded, "Of course, not. I just want to read all of her books."

So, I start reading and a couple things stand out. By the third chapter I'm pretty into it and a thought crosses  my mind, "I wish B hadn't bought this. That way I could have bought it on my Kindle and read it in public without people knowing..."

That, my friends, is the moment I took the first step. I admitted I had a problem. 

I will spare you all the gory details of my deep rooted insecurity, though my 'honest-to-a-fault' personality wants to blog about everyone, but rest assured the root was almost touching the center of the earth. 

One of the main ideas I learned on my journey through the book is that when I say "God, I trust you," I have to mean it. Also, 2 Corinthians 4:6 was a great reminder that as a Christ-follower I have a light inside of me that came from the God who created light. What in the world am I insecure about?! Renewing my mind daily as the bible says and reminding myself of this has made putting my trust in Christ so much easier. 

If your waiting for me to give you the "quick-fix" on getting rid of insecurity you're going to be sadly disappointed at the end. There is no quick-fix. It would take hundreds of blogs. God definitely put a special blessing on Beth Moore as she wrote this book. So go buy it. But not on your Kindle! That's cheating!

Lastly, let me make one thing clear. This book will not fix your insecurity. Jesus will use this book to point you back to him. And how can Jesus bring you back to himself if you have not first had a time in your life where you gave yourself to him? 

My biggest prayer is that through these blogs people will look into their own hearts and do one of two things:
1) Realize that they can never be good enough or work hard enough to get to heaven and accept Jesus as their Savior
2) After accepting Jesus, desire to know him and be like him more and more each day.

Love y'all!!

Jackie J